She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
