just tell him i said nine months
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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