woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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