i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
