my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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