I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
