A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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