don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
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I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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