i think my mom watched the whole time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
