I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize