i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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