My sheets look like a crime scene.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize