i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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