Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
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Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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