I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
