Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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