Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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