420 ftw
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
