Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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