: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
