I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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