you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm at about main and main street
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Vodka?
Forever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
