I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
