:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
