wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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