I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your penis caused this!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
