The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
