you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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