Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
