I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
