i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
