dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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