i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
