tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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