Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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