you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
