everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
