Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
