she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
