its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
