his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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