You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
