I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
