just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
