How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
