I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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