I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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