apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
