How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
