The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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