There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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