I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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