He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
