We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
