you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
