I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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