you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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