I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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