He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
