I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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