The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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