Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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