I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize