Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize