My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
