Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
