Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
