two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
