She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
