I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this boner is exhausting
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
