she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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