is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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