How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
